Input, Output.

I just read an article about rhythms in your day vs. schedules. (I can’t remember where I read it, or I would link to it.) It referred to the body’s natural breathing in and out, and taking breaks to recharge, or breathe in.

I’d like to take a moment here to admit that I have a problem.

I am a hoarder. An information hoarder. My brain looks like those episodes on TLC or whatever channel, where the person sleeps in between boxes because they can’t find their bed.

I am indecisive. So, instead of making decisions based on, “hey, this looks like a great fit,” I have to look at every other possibility out there to make sure it isn’t a good fit. Then I go with my first choice (which I knew was right, but had to double/triple check myself) and life moves right on along. Except for all that wasted time.

So this whole breathe in, breathe out article…

For me, it’s input vs. output. I used to write. I journaled. Dare I admit, I wrote quite a bit of poetry in my teen angst / early 20s years. I felt deeply. Now, I process. And my brain is becoming like an old computer with a slow processor that just can’t keep up with all that information it’s receiving. And I don’t feel anymore. Not the way I used to.

My worst habit: I check Facebook. I follow lots of homeschool bloggers on there, and photographers whose work I admire. I see an article someone posts, I click it, then I immediately click “open in Safari” so I can keep scrolling Facebook, until I come to another article and do the same thing. Then, later, I go through and read the articles and pin the ones I find useful to Pinterest.

Not a lot wrong with that. I don’t spend an excessive amount of time on there. (I don’t think, maybe I do.) But when I’m bored, I input. I used to draw, write, create, daydream, output. I don’t do those things anymore. It’s all input. I’m not even sure what my opinions are on the articles I read, because before I can think about it I’m reading a different article.

I have no idea why or how this happens. It just does.

I’m not one of those people who pretend-to-have-it-all-together-while-everything-is-actually-falling-apart. I know I don’t have it all together, and I’m ok with where I am. It’s not falling apart. It’s not perfect. It’s all good with me. I don’t need to change a single thing about myself, or what I’m doing. I know this. I’ve known it most of my life. I’m pretty confident in that.

So why am I reading all these articles about what else I can be doing? Most of the time I read the ones I already identify with the most (so, a total waste of time because I already know this information) or I read the ones that give me ideas about things I could be doing (which I don’t have time to do because we’re already doing quite a bit around here that we enjoy and want to keep doing the way we’re doing).

My husband has made fun of me since the first time we went clothes shopping together. I think we were in high school, so this is apparently a trait I developed early on. I usually walk into a store, pick up a few things, carry them around while looking at other things, then hang them back where I got them and leave. It became a running joke early on in our relationship, when I would tell him I needed to go shopping (which I hate and rarely do) he would reply with, “you mean carry stuff around a while and then leave with nothing?” Yep. Pretty much.

I’m doing the same thing to my brain.

More output. Less input. Starting now.

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