In dreams.

I don’t usually dream when I’m asleep. Or, I don’t remember dreams. But I remember last night.

Grace was with me, and we went to pick Joy up from something like a church nursery. When I got there, they started handing me all these other babies a month apart in age. I asked why they were giving these babies to me, and someone said, “because they’re yours.” I questioned it, but then one laughed just like Grace and another looked like Joy. And someone said, “don’t you remember? Don’t you remember all these babies?”

Turns out, in the dream, that during infertility every time we had a negative pregnancy test I had apparently given birth. (In reality, we had 7 unsuccessful IUIs, with many other unsuccessful cycles before that.)

I started naming them, and trying to figure out who had fed them while I had been unaware they existed.

I started carrying them to the car, and then I woke up.

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